evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
