I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
nutella sex= disaster
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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