May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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