I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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