he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
