Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
