what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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