So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
