are you so shy because you have an std?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
