# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
