She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
