I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize