the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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