from now on my penis is your penis
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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