i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
