We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Randomize
