Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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