No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
