Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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