I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My vagina is officially offended.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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