you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
