Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
