I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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