He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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