And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
