I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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