i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
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After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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