I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
