Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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