why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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