plz talk dirty to me
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
