hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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