I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
