You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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