Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
