Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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