xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
