Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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