Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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