Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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