I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
