A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
