I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
