my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
