Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
