I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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