New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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