Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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