I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
