My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize