if you like me you must not know who I am
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
