I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
