Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
