a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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