she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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