i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
