When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
