Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
What drink are we having for lunch?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
