nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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