Umm I'm too high to move.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Fuck appropriateness.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
