And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
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I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
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Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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