Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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