Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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