She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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