we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
