shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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