I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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