its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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