I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
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I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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