Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
