I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
