Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
