The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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